It’s just over a week until I officially start University to do BA Creative Writing…I meant to do an update sooner about getting into university; but this year really has been a major battle of mental health and physical health with multiple flare-ups, new challenges and old ones coming back (POTS, asthma AND anxiety combined is a whole new level of hell.) I haven’t forgotten about The Sirin Chronicles either… I know I was meant to have done a lot of the editing this year…well…2020 happened. I’m just so grateful to have made it this far through the year after battling through lockdown in total isolation for nearly 4 months.
I’ve tried getting into uni twice before, but something always came up and stopped me. The first time I never made it passed the open day for later applicants and clearance as I came down with Swine Flu. Literally on the day. You couldn’t make it up; and my dad never let me live it down. The second time I had an offer but I couldn’t afford to relocate from the Midlands to Cornwall so I had to give that one up. And yes, though it was 6 years on and I could now drive, my dad would only come as a back-up driver if I paid for this accommodation and did the first half as he didn’t want a repeat of Roehampton open day.
So, third time lucky? My health is in now way good and a small part of me is terrified I won’t be able to make it through the three years which is why put off applying for the last two years after going to Lampeter open day. Then this year happened and I found myself once again spending a lot of time on the floor unable to get up, wondering if my heart would continue to beat into another day, and feeling so utterly shattered by life that I decided why the hell not? I love Lampeter and the campus is much calmer than those of the cities. I do feel at home here, which is something I’d not felt for the longest time before moving to Wales.
I have an early online induction tomorrow morning to find our more about modules etc, and how campus will work under a world of social distancing and potential lockdown round 2. Interestingly…none of the modules are for “creative writing” – maybe that comes in year 2?
There is plenty for me to sink my teeth into though. Myths and Mythology, Egypt to the Near East, Creating Culture…and Chinese; because apparently I hate myself and 15 years is enough for me to have somewhat forgotten just how much I suck at pronouncing the Chinese language. As I write this, I am undecided on one of the modules – whether to do the second module of Chinese or to do Death, Burial and the Afterlife.
Aside from the Chinese language module(s), they’re all really useful modules to help better build new fictitious worlds and also to go back and finish editing The Sirin Chronicles with a better understanding. (It’ll only be tweaks as I edit through though – no more major re-writes.) I know my later works are lacking because I’ve been unable to explore the world and experience different cultures and lifestyles. And even though through the internet I have access to anything I can think of…there’s no motivation when isolated, and retention of information is impossible. It’ difficult to put into words how the last couple of years have been..but living in involuntary isolation slowly causes you to detach from life, and without a major change, I’ve gone as far as I can alone.
I’m a little gutted there aren’t any modules specifically for Chinese culture since they have a BA in Chinese studies. China is somewhere I’ve always been fascinated with and that has always found ways to creep into my writing here and there. I’d love to know so much more about all of China, and to get out there if I can. Hence the slight dilemma of whether two do a second module in Chinese or not.
Some of my clearest memories of childhood are sitting with my brother while he played through Tomb Raider I & II, with Tomb Raider II focussing a lot on China and a pyramid in Xian (I don’t remember the storyline sadly; and I live in hope of a remaster so I can rediscover the story). I just remember being entirely enthralled by it all, polygonal graphics and all. It’s only now as I’m playing Rise of the Tomb Raider and Shadow of the Tomb Raider that a lot more memories are coming back – I had no idea as a child that Atlantis was included in the first games even though I’ve been in love with Atlantis since what seems forever; or that the endgame of TRII featured the pyramid of Xian. I have only just rediscovered about the white pyramid of Xian as Google suggested an article on the urban legend/myth of a white pyramid which got me looking back into it all. So even before writing all the way through The Sirin Chronicles, my subconscious has been trying to steer me back towards Xian. It just took a little over 20 years to get there.
I’ve decided to completely shelf The Sirin Chronicles for at least the first year. I may try and edit some if I feel I can manage it, but though it’ll be weird not working on it, I’m also excited to create a whole new world and storyline. I know for any major writing I have to do, it’ll still be connected to Sirin in someway. “The Weaver’s Pagoda” is the last piece of writing I’ve done before starting uni…it was meant to have all new characters and be a mildly fictitious variation of our reality…but certain characters have their own agenda it seems. There’s a bridge that connects Ibsen to Fen in The Weaver’s Pagoda, and the short story itself is a bridge into whatever comes next it seems.
I love how my characters are way ahead of me. It’s why I love writing so much. Not only am I discovering the story through my characters, but I feel like I’m on the edge of some other level of understanding that I haven’t yet found the words for. As well as the stories, the journey and discovery through research and creation is something akin to magic. I do a lot of planning and outlining as automatic writing and do the research later, and so often I find myself back in the realm of Atlantis, the Maya; and what I hadn’t realised sooner was Ancient China.
I’m hopeful that university will not only help improve my writing and world building skills, but also help me a long the journey of discovery the stories take me on. Like so many others that try to find out more about the lost worlds and ancient civilisations, I feel my writing goes hand in hand with that journey. Somewhere between dreaming and reality, there’s still more answers and questions for me. As much as my anxiety is screaming at me and giving me migraines most days, I’m also so excited to be fully immersed in the world of the living again. I’ve definitely been a hermit for and sat on the edge of existence far too long. I just hope I can keep my health steady to make it through the three years and take on every challenge that shows up.
I’m also rather hoping my blogging skills may improve since that’s covered on one of the compulsory modules…
