“There is a voice that doesn’t use words. Listen.
—Rumi”

Dream Telepathy is a phenomenon when two people connect with each other via dreams and communicate with each other. There is still very little knowledge around this phenomenon with only a few scientific experiments testing the theory.

It’s something that has fascinated me for as long as I can remember as I’ve always had vivid and fascinating dreams. From the age of 16, those dreams started to include one other person and are what I consider and believe to be telepathic dreams. Though unfortunately, I was never able to speak to that person to clarify it.

They were always far too vivid, random to what my normal dreams would be, even separate to lucid dreaming which always had a surreal edge to them. I’d wake up and I’d know 100% that it was true. I’d have such a feeling of certainty about its reality that I seldom have over anything else, even within the waking world.

They’d also defy my understanding and knowledge of dreams and symbology at that point. For example – you dream of someone specific, and it’s likely because you’ve been thinking of them a lot in the time preceding the dream. But what if you haven’t spared a thought for that person for a considerable amount of time when they barge uninvited into your dreams? What if you dream of locations you’ve never been to or known of, but when researching afterwards, discover they’re real? Or you dream of a physical trait of their’s changing – such as the length of their hair – and again, when checking the facts out after the dreams, discover that change had happened?

When I was 24 or 25 and living in a house-share, I finally had a telepathic dream experience with someone else that I could talk to about it, and it proved such a thing was real and believable. I’ve also recently discovered my mum has had a number of telepathic dreams over the years, and that she’s also had some of those dreams were with my dad. I also get waking telepathy with my mum occasionally, but that’s a topic for another time.

Themes of Telepathic Dreaming

These type of dreams normally occur because one of two people are trying to convey a message of some kind to the other, either consciously or sub-consciously. There is a multitude of ways that a telepathic dream could manifest, but the most common are:

• Dreaming of talking to the other person over the phone or communicating with them via letter/email.
• Vivid messages appearing within the dream e.g. something said over the radio, an advertisement, artwork
• The dream will likely be in the same town or city of the other person’s (the telepathic sender) location.
• Being with the other person or sensing their presence alongside you.

Dreams have a way of distorting things, especially to those new or unfamiliar to dream telepathy and lucid dreaming. That is why it is so important to write the dreams down, as studying them later may help shed clarity on what previously seemed an incoherent jumble of images and/or sounds.

The Science of Dream Telepathy

Sigmund Freud produced a model to express his ideas about telepathic dreaming in 1921 and went on to write a paper in 1922 “dreams and Telepathy”, which is reproduced in the book “Psychoanalysis and the Occult” in 1953. Freud considered that the connection between telepathy and dreams could never be proven or disproven. Though he was suspicious of the idea, he continued to publicly express his interest and findings of telepathic dreaming.

Studies were performed by Stanley Krippner and Montague Ullman at the Maimonides Medical Centre dream laboratory in Brooklyn, New York. Postcard-sized art prints were used as the focal image for the “telepathic sender” to focus on, and the patients of the experiment would meet briefly at the medical centre before being placed in completely separate rooms prior to sleep.

The telepathic sender would have an envelope waiting for them in the room in which they would sleep which would contain the picture or drawing of what they were to send. They would then go to sleep with the intention of sending this image to the “telepathic receiver. Patients were monitored and awakened after a process of REM (Rapid Eye Moment) began so the researchers could take a dream report and study the ability to communicate telepathically. They concluded the results from some of their experiments supported dream telepathy.

According to Dr Stanley Krippner, professor of psychology at Saybrook University in California:

“A wealth of anecdotal and clinical material exists which supports the possibility of telepathic effects occurring in dreams (Krippner, 1974). However, an experimental approach to the topic did not become possible until psychophysiological laboratory technology became available.
It was discovered that sleeping research participants awakened from periods of rapid eye movement (REM) activity were frequently able to recall dream episodes. As a result, it was possible to request a “telepathic receiver” to attempt dreaming about a target stimulus that was being focused on in a distant location from a “telepathic sender”.”
(Source)

A possible explanation of this phenomenon is known as quantum entanglement. Two electrons are created together and you send one to the other side of the universe. Both will respond to one another instantly, no matter their distance from each other. It is an example of how everything is connected in some way. Einstein called it “spooky actions at a distance.”

Examples of Dream Telepathy

For over ten years, I’ve had many encounters with one specific person in particular (the one I could never speak to in the waking world.) These are the ones that got me curious about dream telepathy

When they started, I was going through a bad time in life; and while nothing much happened in the dreams, they were a great source of comfort. This other person would appear randomly in dreams and be in company with me or hold me close in a comforting way until I fell asleep within the dream. His being there would calm me right down from whichever anxiety attack or bout of depression was plaguing me in the waking world.

There’s never actually been a conversation between us in the dreams either which always amuses me. The nearest we ever got to a conversation is that in one of the dreams, we had gotten blue ice cream from somewhere before getting on a bus somewhere in Cheltenham. I’ve never figured out if it was bubblegum or blueberry flavour as I didn’t get to eat it in the dream *sniff* – another question to ask if ever I had the chance.

The dream I got to discuss with another person happened about four years ago. Again, nothing much really happened in the dream – I’ve forgotten a lot of the lesser details. I just remember being in a barren wasteland and, though I couldn’t see my friend, I could sense her there with me. Then the dream shifted to just seeing a perfume bottle and smelling the fragrance. The bottle was a spherical, clear to deep pink colour with a gold rim, and the fragrance was a sweet, floral and fruity, un-earthly aroma that was unmistakable.

When I woke up, I went straight to my friend to ask about it. Though always being somewhat cynical, I didn’t give up all the details, I let my friend describe half of the dream as well. 100% spot on details. Months went by without my thinking of it at all until flicking through an Avon brochure. I saw the exact same perfume bottle there and I knew for sure I had to order it!

I never mentioned the perfume to my friend, and when it turned up, I spritzed myself with it (the fragrance was exactly what I recalled from the dream) and went to see her. She immediately sniffed the air and told me that was the smell from the dream and laughed when I showed her the bottle.

Though that dream didn’t convey a specific message between us, for whatever reason it happened, the dream itself proved to me that dream telepathy is real. I still have the first bottle of that perfume as a reminder whenever I start to doubt myself.

There’s an interesting example of dream telepathy over on DreamSleep that shows two sisters sharing a dream. While both see a different perspective, the message conveyed between them is the same and one they could utilise into the waking world.

A Way to Try Out Dream Telepathy

With two people, agree who will be the telepathic sender and who will be the telepathic receiver. Also agree upon the time when the “receiver” will go to sleep to dream of the image that the “sender” will project. Then, without any further communication with each other – ideally being in separate rooms or places. The sender will then study an image before the agreed time, whereupon the sender will visualise the image and send it to the receiver.

Have you ever experienced dream telepathy? Let me known in the comments!

Original article: Dream Telepathy.

A few months back, I had the idea to write down a post about the paranormal and weird experiences I’ve had over the years. In writing Part One, I soon realised how much there was…too much for one post certainly. I don’t think I’ve ever sat down and given it so much thought to realise how often weird stuff happens around me.

Here is Part Two of my paranormal experiences. Not all of what is in this post has made it into The Sirin Chronicles yet – I decided to hold back on what went into the ethereal realms of A Dawn of Dreams and Dancing Shadows this time around as Halloween is coming up, and pure paranormal/supernatural seemed more appropriate.

***

Intervention of Fate

These two stories are both connected to my Rover 400 (AKA Bastard) that I’ve had for the three years since I passed my driving test. I feel I have broken the old as females go – I’ve become rather attached to my car and feel like we’ve bonded over our time. It started out rough; every time I touched the car after getting out, I’d get two to three violent static shocks and often end up yelling out ‘You Bastard’ wherever I was (hence the name). These days it’s like the car has it’s own soul and spirit and takes good care of me

About half a year ago, I was driving around my old hometown and came to a set of temporary traffic lights that encompassed the main road and three junctions on/off it. I was first in the queue at my set of lights and was fully prepared to move off swiftly as the lights started to change. For no reason what-so-ever, my car completely stalled and turned off both engine and battery.

As I was cursing and puzzling out the stubbornness of my Rover which refused to turn over on the first turn, I looked up and saw a white van come flying down the main road having overtaken the stationary line of traffic of at least four cars. Had my car not stalled on me, the van would have caused more than a banana-shaped dent to my car. Both my mother and I breathed a sigh of relief as the car finally turned over so I could get out of the junction.

Even if I’d gone up to the junction and looked to make sure the junction was clear, I’d never have seen that van coming and I dread to think what speed he/she was going at – it certainly wasn’t the 30mph of the road. Something was definitely in charge of making my Rover cut-out so entirely and refused to let it start up again until the danger passed. I’m not sure who was pulling strings that day, but I have never been more grateful for a mechanical failure.

Another peculiar and notable event with my car happened about a month ago. I’m currently in the process of getting a new car through Motability as, much as I love my Rover, I do need something more practical and easier to drive. I’m also running a plot to see how long various people in my life take to notice something has changed (something both my parents have subjected me to many, many times over the years.)

One of those people is a good friend to me in Wales, and we were talking one day about how annoying it is that I have to fight for parking where I live. Without thinking, I start to say how I’ll have to talk to my neighbour because I don’t want to leave my new car half a mile up the road. I never finished that sentence.

I’m not sure how to describe what actually happened, but I only got as far as ‘talk to my neighbour’ when I felt hands press against my mouth and stifle the words from coming out. It wasn’t cold or oppressive, for a moment, it felt like a friend had leant forwards from the back to shush me. The sentence finished in silence in my mind, along with the thoughts ‘who just shushed me?’ and also a thank you as I nearly outed my own plan.

I’m still not sure what this one means. I can’t work out whether it’s a warning of some sort from one of the ghostly troupe around me, or if they’re in on the plot and needed me to shut up so I didn’t ruin it. From what I know of some of the family members on the other side, it is also just as plausible as they are waiting to see what happens.

***

The Voice of Death

Throughout The Sirin Chronicles, the presence of death in some way is accompanied by ‘the humming and buzzing sound of static’, and occasionally a subtle pulsing of energy in the air. When I first started using that audio descriptor, I was unaware of its uses and appearances in other media. I’ve only recently discovered how often it is connected with death. So the ideas I have are from my own experiences with otherworldly contact.

In my life, there have only been three moments that have stopped me in my tracks and chilled me to the bone. The first was definitely the time I went into Mill Lane House that I wrote about in the last post, and the other two were brief moments in the second place I lived.

When I was about nine, I was sitting in my room minding my own business and writing away as always. I noticed this strange, distorted and muffled voices coming from the corner of my room. I went downstairs to ask my mum about it as she was on the computer, and she didn’t have any idea. So I went back upstairs and tried to carry on writing. I kept hearing the voices talking away, then there was a muffled and static presence within the voices. I don’t know how long it actually went on for, eventually, I got too creeped out and went and joined my dad in the living room.

That incident doubly freaked me out when ten years later or thereabouts. I’d been pressured into watching the first Insidious film with my partner at the time – I avoid horror altogether. When Elise Reiner performs a seance with the Lamberts, I heard the exact same noise and distorted voices in that scene and was totally creeped out. More so than I was of the Darth Maul style demon… though not going to lie, I can never listen to Tiptoe Through the Tulips EVER AGAIN.)

A few days back, I heard a bizarre noise coming from that same area, only this time I’ve no idea how to describe the sound I heard; only that it was similar to before, and also more of a growling. It was also enough to completely wake me up and keep me from falling asleep again. That makes me wonder what else is tagging on for the ride with me? A few weeks back in a store in Lampeter I heard a growling from nearby that set my teeth on edge and make my skin crawl.

Less sound and more other senses, I’ll also describe the air as corrosive during The Sirin Chronicles when death is nearby, or characters having the taste of static or iron in their mouth. I have no idea why, but when I get static of that nature around me, I get the smell of ozone and taste of blood in my mouth as my teeth ache. I don’t think I’ve ever been in possession of as many crystals and items for protection and dispelling negativity as I am right now.

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Crystals that Shatter

This one is less ghostly haunting and more subtle energy or spirit of the crystal, and perhaps the weirdest supernatural experience I’m writing about at the moment. One of the bizarre situations I’ve been exposed to is when a crystal shatters…for no reason. And I’ve never met anyone who’s had anything similar to speculate with about what causes it.

While I don’t know, or can only guess at why various crystals have spontaneously destroyed themselves, their shattering is what helped me in describing the varying degrees of damage to crystals and the soul trees throughout The Sirin Chronicles. The sensation that precludes it, the cracking sound as the crystal is cleaved in two, and the different sounds of each crystal as the pieces hit the floor.

I used to own a stunning lapis lazulite doughnut pendant that was the deepest blue and speckled with pyrite, and not a single blemish of calcite anywhere. I wore it tied on a ribbon around my neck for several years and took great care when taking it off and putting it down.

Then one day, I was at the airport with my pattern of the time and due to fly to Poland. We were waiting to check in when this lapis pendant came loose from the ribbon still on my neck, fell as a whole and broke into two perfect pieces as it hit the floor. Both of us stood watching it happen and continued to stare for several moments afterwards. The only sound that had made was a single, clear note as the piece broke into two, similar to the sound a tuning fork will make, only without the resonance that follows.

There’s only one time I’ve had crystal shattered and associated it directly with a negative situation. I lived in a house share a few years back with some friends (and one evil git). I can’t remember why I had my little opalite angel with me in the kitchen that day, but thyself and three others stopped talking and all looked at this little angel as it shattered beyond repair and the pieces shot in different directions.

No one had been close to it, or even reaching towards it. It wasn’t balanced precariously on anything and there was nothing that had fallen on it… it exploded in front of all of us. We all took that one as a bad sign and proof of the detrimental and chaotic atmosphere of where we lived. It was like this angel had taken in too much negative energy which had caused it to fracture. 

It felt like there was a scream of agony that was both heard and unheard, something made us all look at the angel at that moment. Then silence like in the moment of air pressure dropping in a storm or before a twister, and finally the screech of crystal shattering before falling with various soft pounds and tinkling on the kitchen counter.

I had taken to wearing a tourmaline crystal about a year ago as I noticed I’d managed to wind up surrounded by negativity again.  I’d been wearing it for 5-6 months when all of a sudden, I heard a crack and instinctively reached for the black crystal as 3/4 of it sheared off and landed in my palm.

Out of the three major incidents, this was the quietest and most subdued voice of breaking that I’ve heard from a crystal.

Over the years, I’ve often had a small section of crystal break free from the cluster, and it always has a soft ‘tink’ the moment it happens. I was once showing a friend a piece of Tanzanite Aura quartz that I had. As I went to pass it over, one small point at the end came off with a tink and a crack before landing in her hand. We both laughed and decided that she was meant to have that small crystal point.

So maybe crystals do know what they’re doing and have their own language we humans just can’t understand. Which is why I ended up with the crystalline language coming into The Sirin Chronicles and characters that almost understand what it is, but never quite.

Original article: Paranormal Experiences II.

Over the years, I have seen many paranormal entities and more than a few incredibly weird and surreal encounters. I’ve seen anything from the vague, non-corporeal shadowy forms flitting from room to room right the way to strange and out-of-this-world entities, and more often than not, those things make their way into my novels are some form of entity.

There are also some creations which come from something slightly more vague and more dreamlike, rather than from something I have seen with total certainty in the waking world, though no less real. I used to meditate all of the time, especially at night when I couldn’t sleep. I would astral travel and explore the spirit realm which gave life to many aspects of The Sirin Chronicles, and I came across a plethora of creatures, demons and interesting locations. 

While even admitting such things may come off as really weird, there are some things I’ve been writing about for years. Either I’ve noticed a theme with other writers that have their own takes on what I’m writing about; or I’ve started researching one thing on the internet, fallen down the rabbit hole that is the internet and landed up reading something else, only to have my mind was blown as I read some new discovery or some such that is, again, something along the lines I’ve been writing.

So, here are a few creatures from The Sirin Chronicles that have been inspired by the paranormal in my life:

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Khavinas – Ghostly Feline Entities 

I’ve seen plenty of ghostly cats around me, possibly previous pets checking in on us, or whatever cat business they have to attend to (Honestly, who knows what a cat gets up to? All I know is Wunjo is clockwatcher and gets annoyed at me if I’m late or in any way mess with her routine.) 

Possibly the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen was back when I was fourteen. I was walking into town – probably going to the library as I pretty much lived there for my teenage years when I wasn’t at school or at home. Walking towards me was this feline-like creature with shadowy, evanescent flesh that seemed to peel away from the body in places.

I remember coming to stop, the creature really was quite horrific and by far the darkest thing I’d ever come across, particularly while fully awake. As it was, the grim feline simply walked down the street without so much as a cursory look at me before walking back into the void and vanishing again. I can still see it vividly in my memory and really wish I had any skill as an artist so I could draw a faithful recreation of how it looked rather than a long narrative to describe it. (Link to Khavinas. Possibly edit the article on Khavinas and link back to this one.)

I’m also certain that nearly 15 years later, I had another encounter with this particular beast (or certainly one very similar to it) while staying with my parents, I felt a presence close to me and saw a creature move through an errant beam of moonlight and I could see it clearly. It sort had the face like when you’re fussing a cat and fold its ears back; and still the gaping maw with needlelike teeth in a grin somewhat reminiscent of Cheshire Cat. This was another moment of reaching out to stroke it, and the thing vanishing as my fingers reached where flesh and fur should have been. 

I know one of the ghost cats I encounter at my parents is one we lost a few years back, and even my dad picks up on his presence as in life, he always caught certain floorboards on the way to the kitchen – a sound which happens every now and again to this day. It’s a noise too specific to just be the house moving, expanding or shrinking.

Lately, I also seem to have one ghost cat in particular that I see most days, even to the point of almost tripping over thinking it is Wunjo, only to watch the shadowy form dissipate or rush through a wall. I’m not sure where that one comes from, or it if lived in the cottage before I did and that’s simply his home.

Another of the times I’ve been staying with my parents, and just drifting off when I’ve felt the presence of cat leap on to the bed, even seen it and reached out to stroke it was that tangible, only for my fingers to reach into nothingness, the creature gone and Wunjo looking at me as though I was a traitor.

***

Death Elements

I used to have a real fear of the dark and shadows, especially when the moon was full and would last such an eerie light on everything. As a child I’d see these misshapen and half-formed creatures of writhing darkness and hear a death rattle for a breath, the sound of static or words that seemed to come to me from a different time, their meaning lost to a mess of nonsensical words. I’d hide right under my quilt in the tightest ball and be so still and tense until exhaustion knocked me out, terrified that if I even breathed too deeply, they’d find me; an irony that I was so haunted while a part of a Christian high church.

The hauntings only really stopped when I got into witchcraft and started learning about protection,  bindings, incense and crystals. While it worked on preventing the nocturnal hauntings, that is also when I started to intentionally meditate or astral travel, and I’d see these creatures in even more detail on the plains where they wouldn’t just stand and watch, but rather start to follow and hunt instead.

It made sense to utilise and refer back to these grotesque demons when creating the death elements and puppets that Khafune can summon and control in A Dawn of Dreams

I’m really not sure to this day what triggered those things to come to me, or if it was simply just how cursive that town was. The first place I lived had a place known as “Mill Lane House”  at the open of the close, and as kids, we’d all joke it was haunted and play games to see who could go in there and spend the longest.

I think I was about five or six and had no fear back then, so I climbed the cold iron steps and went in through the broken door and started looking around by myself. I can still remember the vile smell of rotten carpet, damp MDF and an overall putrid stench of the place. It was icy cold inside, even for a hot summer’s day, and I think I got to the second-floor before having this bone-chilling sensation and total fear take over me before flying down the stairs and hurtling past everyone else that was still loitering on the outer steps. There was something truly evil in that place, and that is perhaps what latched on to me and started the hauntings. Also, to this day, black and white floor tiles really unnerve me.

Both houses my parents moved to had such a dark and evil atmosphere to them and I still keep nagging them to leave their current house and ideally that town. I never felt at home in that town, and I always wanted to move far away from there, and even having lived in Wales for a couple of years, I still hate that town. If anything, it feels more unsanctified each time I return – which seems to couple with people moving away from Christianity, the buildings and the land becoming de-consecrated and goodness knows whatever else…a post for another day perhaps.

There’s one demon in particular that still seems to be lurking about that really terrifies me. It’s always been somewhere nearby me in the spirit realms, close enough to send a shiver down my spine if I stopped too long, or I’d have the same dread feeling I’d had as a kid come over me. It seemed to have gotten closer or stronger since I lived in a really toxic situation (still in that wonderful town called Pershore…) with the landlord who lived in and was a real piece of work. 

I was meditating in my room, and I knew he’d returned to the house without waking up because the world suddenly turned to pure darkness and treachery, the ground becoming like quicksand and holding me captive as that same dread feeling overpowered me. That is the closest I’ve ever gotten to seeing that demon, I could just see a behemoth being of darkness coming towards me. I forced my eyes open and left the spirit realms in an entirely uncouth manner and started putting up protection around me.

I never dared to meditate in the house again, and didn’t go anywhere near the astral planes until I moved to Wales a year after. Though the bridge to that place is weakened. I spent so long having to put up protections, bindings and wards around myself, that somewhere along the line I ended up severing my connection to it all. Now it takes too much energy to reach the spirit realm.

That loss of connection to the arcane and the exhaustion it creates is what prompted me to have the Engels have energy burnout, disconnection and weakness if not remedied, particularly in the case of Aengal where her soul doesn’t resonate with the physical body she is born into, and even regaining her essence isn’t enough to heal the corrosion of her existence from the power of the energies that move through her.

***

Crystalline Spirits/Puppets

These are the rarely seen entities that live within the various crystals in The Sirin Chronicles. Aengal senses them throughout A Dawn of Dreams before encountering them at the end, and Vaenel also comes across them during Dancing Shadows.

There was a moment as a child when I said to mum I saw a fairy in the hedgerow. I was maybe 8 when that happened? I hadn’t been looking for it, nor did I especially believe in fairies. I simply stated the most logical statement for what I had seen, and bless my mum, she just asked me to describe it.

I’m not entirely sure what I did see and whether or not it was a fairy or something else, but it was as clear and real as that car we were in. It was an iridescent orb that fluttered around the flowering hedgerow with similar moments to a butterfly. Though between the movement of traffic, I only saw it for about ten seconds before we were passed and couldn’t get mum to stop or look either.

I’ve also never seen anything like that since. whether actively looking or not. Though now, with the loss of my connection I doubt I’ll see the like of it again without a second awakening.

For the crystalline spirits and puppets, I also took some inspiration from Sulliman’s spirits in Howl’s Moving Castle by Studio Ghibli. I required something more animated and which had more to it than just a beautiful orb of shifting light.

***

There are plenty of other weird and wonderful things I’ve come across; all of which have gone into the formation of things like the Sykajume, the Vaejume and the ethereal realms.

{Paranormal Experiences – Part Two}

Original article: Paranormal Experiences I.

He was so beautiful, eyes so brown and deep my soul fell straight out of this reality. Time stopped, the world vanished, my heart raced and a fever took over me, and for a moment that was both an eternity and no time at all, there was nothing else in existence but us two. Not even physical bodies, just two souls pulled from a physical existence. Then it was over, I was back in the room feeling incredibly faint and weird, and we both continued on our way like nothing happened. And perhaps for him, nothing happened. To this day I can’t explain what happened to me, or why. All I knew then was that I’d heard a cold, chilling voice telling me he was the one and I’d never truly love another and that we would never be together.

There was so much weird stuff after that encounter as well. if ever I was close in proximity to him, I’d be drawn towards as though some unseen force had taken over me, or my soul was magnetised to him. My feet would carry me towards him, or an unseen hand would turn my head to look at him. Always I’d see those enchanting brown eyes looking back at me, a reflection of my own distant, confused expression as our paths crossed.

It also felt wrong, it was never the magnetism go two being inexplicably drawn to each other, but of two positives or two negatives being pushed together. To a point, they’ll pull towards each other, but then they will violently jerk away or simply slide past each other. Hardly the sensation that fills you with confidence. I wanted to ask him about it, not as a desperate attempt at love, but as someone who may or may not have been suffering the same crazy stuff I was. I didn’t have anyone else I could ask. 

We never talked. I don’t know what Fortuna has against me, but it was a constant string of disasters and embarrassments for myself. People who weren’t really friends made a further fool of me that fate alone could manage…and I really did look like the worst freak you can visualise. I wouldn’t have spoken to me either.

Then there were the dreams where he would be present. Right at the beginning, there were so many. I was going through a really bad time, and it was like this person was watching over me, making sure I wouldn’t end it all and chasing the nightmares away. I wanted to know so badly if they were two-way dreams, and still, do.

They got less over time; mostly I wanted to forget all about that person. I wished I’d never seen them, wished I could rip my heart out or force it to obey my mind; and for a time I would forget all about him, maybe even for years. But, surer than the sun will rise, a night would come when, for no reason and no prior conjuration, he would come back to me. I’d wake up in a fever, every single memory once again un-locked. 

Still no explanation. Still so many questions. Who was he? What was he? Was he my twin flame? A soul mate? Why did we meet? Is it a past life thing? Am I just insane? All I could do was start the process of suppressing the memories and forcing all thoughts of him away again, each time it happened.

Over ten years later from that encounter, I often look back and wonder what happened to that sweet, innocent little girl that just wanted to live in paradise, fulfil her every dream and be totally enthralled in love, or even to the slightly messed up, goth teenager that still wanted to find love even among the chaos and constantly fought for the light.

I don’t know what love feels like, and that little girl that would never have gone back and changed anything, dreamt of Disney princes and may have met her true love – she simply wants to find a strong enough banishment spell to forget that person, or one that will turn back time to never meet that person. Or if one such spell existed, it would be one to entirely obliterate her soul from all existence.

In all I’ve read about twin flames, it seems that both know and recognise the other even if they aren’t “together” at any one time. I never got the vibe from him that he had shared in that strange awakening or experience. I feel like that encounter and all that happened after was purely one-sided which would put him right out of the twin flame category.

There would be times, sometimes even now, where I’ll have a sense of Deja vu, and its like I’m living across to realities. I’m fully aware of the present and where I am, and also of this other vision where I’m looking for him to walk into the room, or I’ll look at my phone because the Deja vu showed he was calling/texting me, and those things never happened. It’s like something is broken and wrong.

I sometimes wonder it was something else going on, though quite what I’ve never worked out. Maybe it was some strange crossing of several realities, times and existence, and at that moment I wasn’t looking at that person, but someone else looking through that person as a vessel. Maybe someone that looks similar to the person they used as a portal. Who knows. I’ve done all sorts to try and debunk the situation and to make it something so ludicrous it looses power.

Original article: Twin Flame Experience?.